‘Mars Dilemma’ Series: 'NO HOMO, OR HETO'

If we are to talk about masculinity and manhood and this ‘Mars Dilemma’, as my colleague creatively calls it, we must consider the origins of such a dilemma. Where do the notions of masculinity even come from? Who creates the notions, and the rigid definitions of masculinity? I feel as if it is safe to acknowledge that the culture creates the role that male and females play, and the physicality plays a very small role- especially in today’s society, where fighting wars are opened to both men and women (at least in American culture). A male or female develop their identities from the culture around them. All social behavior is learned. An individual carves his/her personality based on the societal pressures around them. If an individual is raised in an culture in which he has to “man” up, he will man up based on his interpretation of manhood. But unfortunately, he is often not given a choice in how the message is interpreted, though he may believe he consciously chose to act like a “man”- the culture has made his decision and has interpreted for him already, and the same applies to the female.

I am not suggesting that there is something wrong with the culture doing that. What I am suggesting is that power that culture has over our motivations and our conscious thought. We adapt and adopt cultural ethos without even thinking, and unless exposed to a culture outside of your own, we usually arent even aware of something called “culture”- we assume it’s the natural way of living. However, I am writing here today to make a larger indictment of the circumstances I have addressed thus far.

If culture creates our conceptions of femininity and masculinity, than what is homosexuality and heterosexuality? Many will argue that heterosexuality is NATURAL- meaning that we are born with it. And in the same token, many homosexuals will argue that their homosexuality is NATURAL- that they were born gay. Please excuse my language, and I hope that it does not ruin the integrity of my writing:

Both of these notions are bullshit.

Sexual behavior, like almost all SOCIAL behavior, is learned. The only thing natural about a human is its nature to breathe- because as an organism, its prime function is to intake oxygen. A human does not come out of his/her mother’s womb desiring a vagina to go into, or a penis enter inside them. I would like to enter this term into the conversation. Sexual Preference.
Preference happens when an individual is given a choice. When multiple choices confront an individual, they develop a preference- which is something one is inclined to. However, lets not lose the critical essence what the term choice means. We are all familiar with the emphasis on raising your children right to make sure they make wise choices. So, that allows us to assert that an individuals choice (preference) is largely influenced- if not completely- by an individuals upbringing, or socialization. So to drive my point home- my sexual preference is a social behavior, so my sexual preference is based upon how I have been socialized.

I understand what I am saying and the implications of it. No one wants to admit, especially heterosexuals (like myself)- that their preference is simply based on the way they have been socialized. My heterosexuality is just as much a socio-cultural decision as an individuals homosexuality. Most want to say that they are biologically drawn to the opposite sex, just as homosexuals would argue they have been biologically driven to like the same sex. How a child receives a message is just as much a roll of the dice as to which sperm cell will reach the fertilized egg. All we can assume is that the child will adhere to the dominant culture, which warrants that an individual become heterosexual. Then, critics will attempt to ask me why are individuals on the “down low” if they did not have a natural inclination for the same sex? One can be socialized to like both sexes as much as to one or two- its not always a choice of one or the other. However, if someone understands the social consequences of “coming out of the closet”, wouldn’t that be the reason they stay in? That’s like when a black person, who has been socialized to speak slang, gets inside a board room- they understand the social consequence of showing their “blackness”, so they keep it in the closet, and show it only in an environment permissible to those behaviors. Those who go on to change their sexual preference are individuals who are still going through socialization- they are not individuals who go through an epiphany, and finally recognizing their “natural“ inclination. Its similar to when elders are socialized to behave a certain way. It is a never-ending process. However, certain social habits are always harder to change once one becomes older.

Then, others may assert that they have been liking a particular sex “since they’ve been 5 years old.” Does socialization not occur immediately at birth? Socialization begins immediately, right around when a newborn baby is placed in a room with a blue or pink blanket, named Rodney, or named Renee. Then critics will point to the animal kingdom and say “well, animals have sex with the opposite sex”, as if animals do no undertake a form of socialization or possess a culture.

To really drive home my point, I look to the African-American community. As a student of the prestigious Morehouse College, I am certainly not ignorant to the attention given to the homosexual community at Morehouse. In addition, I do not close my ears to the pressing issue of many black males being “down-low” and the epidemic of homosexuality amongst African American males throughout the country. However, lets consider the facts.

70 % of African Americans are born to unmarried parents, compared to 40 % for whites and 48% for Hispanics. In addition, 67% of African American children are reared in single-parent households, headed by the mother. We must understand, if we as a community are raised majorily by women, we are bound to be socialized like women in many ways. High sensitivity that females are culturally allowed to have are transmitted amongst the men of the community. However, if we combine that kind of sensitivity with testosterone and physicality that men possess, it can lead to homicides, domestic assaults, and extreme male-on-male violence (which is also socialized) . As a child, I wore my towels under my arms after getting out the shower, I didn’t wear towels at my waist. Black males become just as obsessed with beauty as women do- we work hard to get waves, nice clothing, and spend just as much on shoes as women do, and may place more of an emphasis on them. With these being established, it is obvious that if you are reared by women, you will take on some of the behaviors, mannerisms, and psychological patterns that women possess. So why would it be foreign to think that some attractions- which many women verbally profess, fantasize, and long for- that women possess would also be transferred onto men- hence the very large African-American male homosexual population. And though there are many other factors Id like to elaborate on, however, my point is to show that these are factors that derive from SOCIALIZATION- and we have to be more acknowledging to power of socialization and culture- and though our culture promotes heterosexuality, homosexuality has always been a component of Western Culture- from President James Buchanon, to Napoleon, to the Ancient Greeks.. It is not as much of choice as we like to think it is. But it is certainly not natural. Whether you are gay or straight.

-Derrick Reed