There has been much
conversation and negative publicity about the fresh new reality series on VH1,
Love and Hip Hop Atlanta. I have read articles and have had many conversations
with individuals who have called for the series to be cancelled, have indicted
the moral sense of those who choose to watch the show, and have seen those
lament the show for its supposed lack of quality. Most importantly though, it
appears that the largest beef with the show is how it portrays African American
women; and how the show proves so many stereotypes “true.” Those who choose the
view the show these ways are doing exactly that: choosing. There is enough
beauty about the show, intentional or accidental, to validate watching the show
and keep on the air. In fact, there is enough depth in the show to have a fond
appreciation with how frank and disturbing the show can be because that is what
reality shows are supposed to be.
I can understand the
detractions of those opposed to the show, however. I can empathize with those
who protest the show for the way it portrays African Americans. But should we
consider to ignore semi-accurate
portrayals of the black community, just because they portray us in a “negative”
light? Additionally, are we truly convinced that the difference between one
getting a job is whether they watch Love and Hip Hop? The people who have such
dispositions to African Americans are likely due to a lack of exposure to us.
No show will validate our intelligence or aptitude; the narrative has already
been painted and will persist whether the show exists or not. No show can make
the perception of African Americans worse other than the easily corruptible
African Americans who watch the show and have no relationships or personal
narratives akin to the characters on the show. In other words, get over what
the show is implying about blacks and pay more attention to the lived-world
away from the television and inquire what that portrait is suggesting instead.
Back to love and hip
hop. But what is truly overlooked is the legitimacy of the experiences of the
main characters in the show. If we choose to look beyond the colloquialisms (I
know some will not be able to), I see a show quite resemblant to what actually
goes on in the lives of all relationships. However, if we ever had to apply
them to a specific demographic, I would agree some of these details can be particular
to the black experience.
Take Stevie J, for
example. He is an apparently talented and motivated musician that often uses
his own machismo, male insecurity, naiivete and power to subordinate women with
relatively low-senses of self-esteem or worth, even to a point where it is
puzzling. How does a strong, professional black woman fall into such a
stronghold from this apparently worthless debilitating man? Moreover, she has a
long-lasting relationship with him that has been filled with deceit and disappointment,
all of which she is willing to put up with just to be in a relationship with
the father of her child. Do her experiences fall on an empty narrative?
What makes the show
different from other reality shows featuring black women is that the show is
less about their experiences in relation to men, but more about the direct
impact that these men seem to have on the trajectory of their lives. We have
seen women cry over men who are not worth crying over, have endless banter over
continuing relationships with men who are disingenuous, and we even see how the
women occasionally enable the men to continue such behavior. On the other end,
we notice how the men intentionally devise schemes to keep women at bay without
being too distant, just within reach to grab them when their insecurities tell
them their grip is slipping.
We even are given a
mother figure on the show that is unaware of the ways in which she has
apparently raised a non-committal son, and her continued mettling in his
affairs prevents him from being actively assertive and definitive on his terms.
The show is filled with men willing to play with these ladies emotions on a
whim without it appearing to phase them one bit. And while some may argue it is
offensive to the stereotype, it is certainly not out of a vacuous narrative, if
you come from the type of environments that seem to foster these relationships
every day.
In fact, the pains and
ills of relationships for black women is the very reason why so many of our
precious female r&b artists are prevalent. Your favorite Mary J song has
already scripted the experiences of some of the characters. The narrative
resonates. And while some of you may want to pretend that verbally abusive men
are not torturing the psyche of our women with demeaning statements and lack of
emotional support, perhaps you come from a candy-coated personal background
where all the black women you know were carefully cradled by their black
lovers. I am not making paint-stroke arguments that suggest this is the case
for all black men and women, as it will apply to those outside that
demographic. However, I come from an upbringing where this is an active
feature. Other races might go through it, but it is certainly something African
American women are less afraid about confronting publicly.
Perhaps many of you are
upset by the narrative that black women seem to overlook or disregard the “good”
men while appearing to have undying love for the men that mistreat them. Once
again, is the issue that it portrays black women negatively or is it that the
narrative is disingenuous? The show is amazing because it forces us the face
the often brutal realities of experiences that we either do not want to admit
exists or would much rather overlook.
Maybe you are yearning
for something that portrays blacks in a “positive” (A.K.A. acceptable to whites) light so much that we
are quick dismiss something new, even if, after actually setting aside obvious
bias brings some depth to the negative. In this show, the main characters
appear to have answers as to why they are so fragmented. Their experiences with
each other can be as destructive as they are uplifting. Or did viewers simply
choose to overlook the tendency of the women in the show to solve personal
disputes through conversation, or overlook the clear support system many of the
young ladies had from each other.
Perhaps we can lament
them for allowing their lives to be recorded, but I am certainly appreciative
of it. It is just as painful to watch (for how true it is) as it is funny. And
that is just the tip of the iceberg. The true beauty of the show is that it appears
as if the bad guys wins.
As much as you may
indict Stevie J and his character, he appears to have no problem getting women
in his life, many of whom he will put through the same destructive drama. There
are no resolutions—no police officer comes to arrest him for his wrong-doings,
he does not get beat up by his baby-mamas brother or uncles, and appears to
receive no negative karma or feel no remorse for anything he has done. He has
essentially accepted that this is who he is. He will continue his reign of
destruction of the female psyche, just like so many men out there will continue
to do despite being confronted by the pain they continue to cause in our
communities. It is not pretty to see sometimes, I agree, but I would be damned
if I did not a healthy cast of brothers who think destructively like that.
It is certainly a
cringe-worthy show, and maybe you are turned off by the extra-ness, that, every
show on air seems to have. However, once you look past that mandatory aspect of
the show, inherent between the story lines are significant, imperative, and
meaningful discourses on the experiences many of us have in relationships. Perhaps
we are so appalled by it because our personal narrative is not too distant from
it; inciting fears of self-indictment.
Turn all the singers
into lawyers and strippers into investment bankers and business moguls, I
promise the experiences would be the same, the only thing that would change,
maybe, is the dialect.
But once again, I CHOSE
to see the wonder in the show. We as black people should stop being so
self-protective when watching the experiences of other blacks. If you cannot
find some solid lessons watching the show, maybe you should read more or choose
to find the beauty about the black experience for better or worse. It is good
sometimes to embrace the bad.
